yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please don't give away my fajitas
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
