he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
