Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
