At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
