I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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