I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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