I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
