I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
