she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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