Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
