im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
