If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
