Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
