it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
