Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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