I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
