we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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