Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
