When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
