She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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