Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
