Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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