Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
