idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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