either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
