OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
