one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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