my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
