the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
