this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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