Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
