i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
