Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
