we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
