I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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