What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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