Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
