I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am available for nakedness
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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