New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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