We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Houston, we have a blender
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
