She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
