"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
