Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found your dick twin last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
