well I can't set my house on fire every night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
