He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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