He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
