btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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