so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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