He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize