At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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