I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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