I can text with my tongue
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
