Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
