i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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