I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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