I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
