I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
