I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
