That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize