textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
