i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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