I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
