1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
