i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
