If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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