dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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