I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
