Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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