i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
