I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
